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I'm still not in the blogging mode yet but I did move over to blogger for the day when that occurs. I've been posting recipes there for our nanny Tiffany.
It's really easy to remember http://largefamilylogistics.blogspot.com/
I'm heading there because it's so much easier to put up pictures and maybe even video someday.
Here's one pic of Matthew.
I see that the Calendar at yagoo groups has not been Reminding very well so I'm
working on that.
I have put some of the store inventory up for auction, the rest of it
will also be auctioned as I get to it.
I know everyone wants an Ergo for a great price but my agreement with
the Ergo company won't let me sell them New for less than retail.
There are books, audios, and more up right now.
Go take a look at http://www.taughtofthelord.com/.
Thanks for all of your prayers, messages, cards and gifts this last year. Every little bit was felt, appreciated, and blessed. Thank you all!
Really, I'm not bloggng here anymore. BUT Matthew is now big enough that I can sit at the computer to read while he eats. This is new in the past week or so... Up to this point I have been reading stacks of books. My latest topic for reading started in the farm papers that lie around our house. I had been willing to support Mike Huckabee in the caucus that is just a few days away here in Iowa, then in the farm papers I began to get the idea that he was nothing new and actually sounded a bit like the big governmant status quo. And that Ron Paul was a liberterian and Constitionalist which is more in my line of thinking. Forgive me for not looking at this at all before but I've had one singular focus and that was Matthew. I've been under a rock. Now I'm doing some one handed typing. Today, while reading on the internet I discovered that Spunky has come out of retirement and has been writing exposes on Huckabee!!! Enlightening! Go Spunky! So if anyone still reads this blog go, I encourage you to go take a look at Spunky's writings, especially if you're from Iowa and participating in the caucus next week.
Matthew is doing fine. This is a picture taken minutes ago. Bridgette was holding Matthew while reading a book and he fell sound asleep. I had her lay him beside her on the couch so I could take a pic. He weighes around 11 pounds. His heart has checked out to be fine, the murmur has closed, the valves now look normal. His blood pressure has also corrected. Physical Therapy/Occupational Therapy are very pleased with him. He acts like his corrected age which is 3 months. He is a happy baby. He smiles, coos, and reaches out to things. He has rolled from his tummy to his back. He looks around at the world and makes good eye contact. He is completely breastfed now eating every three hours during the day. At night he eats every three hours and then "cluster feeds" from about 4 o'clcock to 7. He eats much more slowly than my other babies, what that means for him remains to be seen. For me it means that I have been doing a lot of reading.
Matthew's lungs are damaged and we are very careful about not exposing him to anything that would further damage them. If we can get two years without a cold it will be much better long term for his lungs. We are very careful about keeping germs at bay and have not been ill this winter yet. Praise God! This is something we pray about all the time. We don't let the younger children go out and don't have any children over. We are very limited on the people that do come in and they must be healthy and not have been around anyone that has been ill. The older children are allowed to go to piano and the boys go to wrestling which makes me extremely nervous. They are the healthist members of our family. I have everybody taking supplements and store brand Air Borne. Matthew gets a Synagist shot every month which is antibodies to RSV. It is not a vaccine but the actual antibodies to it. The antibodies eventually die off so he gets a new shot of them every month. The shot costs $1500 for each one and he will get them every month during RSV season which is October through April. Thankfully there is a $1000 pharmacy deductible so it will only cost us $1000 per year. He will get these shots next winter also and the dose will go up in amount and price with his weight.
Our house is slowly returning to normal. We still have our nanny, Tiffany the miracle from the Lord. She came at the end of July while Matthew and I were still gone. She held things together her for nearly two months. Since I have been home with Matthew she has been my right hand and arm. We have cleaned and organized behind every door and drawer. The list is not quite done yet though. We hit the books hard every morning. She sits between Brooke and Brian helping them with their phonics and they are both reading now. Tiffany takes care of the laundry and helps with lunch and supper plans. She has been a wonderful example for our girls with her graceful femininity, her sweet and encouraging attitude, and her singing. She even plays piano with the kids. Oh, she also takes them to their lessons every week and gets the groceries. We are so thankful for her. That is an understatement. I almost feel like she is a clone, she says what I would say, does what I would do, and thinks like I do. We joke about adopting her but she says she loves her dad and family too much to leave them.
My sister Heather has also been a miracle for the kids, she is often here pitching in. Because we weren't going out to go shopping we decided to make all of our Christmas presents! What an adventure that was. It was really neat to see everybody put so much heart and soul into making gifts. As the days ticked towards Christmas Heather was often here sewing and helping everyone with their endeavors. We now have three sewing machines to take to the repair shop, that's how much work they got! This is a Christmas that will never be forgotten, along with this whole year! We usually get a real tree but I didn't want any more dust brought into the house, we had been working hard all fall getting the dust out! We have to be careful of Matthew's lungs so we are very careful about what is in the air. I went through all the cleaners and and switched to natural cleaners, we burn candles rarely, keep the windows shut to keep the dust out, put a special filter on the furnace, and run air purifiers. All that said to further explain why we didn't get a dusty real tree. Our friend Mary brought over a huge long piece of green paper and we spent an afternoon cutting it to be a tree and making paper ornaments for it. It was the tallest tree we have every had!
When I closed down the Large Family Logistics.net site, there were links between this blog spot and there that are now dead. And I lost pictures shown here that were stored there. I apologize to those of you who had ads up here that disappeared. I'll get it figured out sooner or later so that they are back up. I won't be writing here except for occasional updates and pics.
The Large Family Logistics Store is closed forever and I will be selling the inventory by auction at Taught of the Lord auctions. This is a new auction site for homeschoolers from our friends Dirk and Vonda Zollinger. I hope to have it listed there in January. Boxed up in the garage are lots of educational toys that you can stick away in your cupboard for birthdays throughout the year. And a lot of Ergo Baby Carriers. I had just gotten a very large shipment in the week that our crises began in June. I think that there are some cookbooks and I'm not sure what else.
The Large Family Logistics Book is still being written. It is actually quite close to being done and if I can get my head around it could be done soon and sent off to be edited.
This year has been quite a memorable one for us. Life changing. I was removed from my home and could see things from afar. The #1 lesson of the year and it's one we all know but could certainly apply better is that "People are most important". We spend a lot of time on things that don't matter eternally. These questions ruled my life the past several months:
How do you want to be remembered?
What are you characterized by?
What picture do people hold in their head of you?
How do you impact the people around you?
What do you "do" with your family?
What do you talk about with your family?
What do you talk to others about?
What do you think about?
Does God rule your life and actions?
Are you living biblically?
Do you do unto others what you would have them do to you?
I did not for one flashing second think that I was going to die this summer although I guess that others thought about it quite a bit. But I did have the opportunity to look at life from afar and ponder it. There was nothing pleasant about the whole experience and in fact it was quite ugly and yada yada yada you don't want me to write that book here, however, I had lessons to learn and questions to formulate and think about. I challenge you to take 10 minutes and spend one minute answering each question.
Collection of info on RSV etc.
It is very important that all parents know what RSV is because it is very common. All children will get it in the first two years of life. Any child with a health issue (i.e. food allergy) and subsequent immune system weakness will have a worse time with RSV. Severe RSV results in lasting damage to the lungs.
RSV is deceptive because in older children and adults it manifests as a slight cold.
It is highly contagious and lives for a long time on hands and hard surfaces.
4500 babies die in the US every year because of RSV. I spoke to a nurse who watched it happen and it's not pretty.
RSV is seasonal - October through April in most of the country.
There is a drug available only for preemies. Synagis is a monthly shot of antibodies. It is not the actual disease that would cause the immune system to produce antibodies, it is antibodies grown to help the baby fight RSV if he was exposed. The antibodies eventually die off thus the need for a monthly dose. Each dose costs $1500. Thankfully our insurance pays 60%. All NICU babies get it and graduated preemies are to get it the first two years.
The immune system is how the body fights foreign things in the body. Sometimes the body attacks things that shouldn't be recognized as foreign (immune diseases, allergies). Stress to the body causes the immune system to work harder (illness, lack of sleep, injury, mental/emotional stress). Good nutrition (variety of whole foods) makes for a strong immune system, poor nutrition (sugar, white flour, bad fats) supresses it.
The immune systems of children are not mature until around the ages of 6-8.
The immune systems of preemies are very weak. They will catch things easier and have a harder time getting over it.
From the website Preemie Care
In what I have heard and read, premature babies will never have "normal" lungs. Completely overcoming the severe damage done to the lining and air sacs of the lungs is not possible. That said, most people use very little of their total lung capacity. Most premature babies will have enough capacity to participate in sports etc and be able to engage in any activity he chooses later in life. Between ages 7 to 10 preemies seem to "normalize" their lung issues around 7-10 years old. Preemies (meaning children that were born premature) may need to use a nebulizer with steroids for possible breathing problems due to colds and asthma.
-risk of asthma is higher, RSV/pnuemonia causes more lung damage which exaserbates the risk
-will always be considered in the "at risk" group for air quality warnings - may not be able to participate in outdoor sports if there are significant air quality concerns on some days
-response to colds and flu throughout their life will always need to be acted on quickly and recovery from colds and flu will be slower
It has been two+ weeks since Baby Matthew and I came home for good! It has gone very fast! I am loving life at home with my family.
I am putting writing on hold and will be focusing on the home life. Someday I will finish the book and will write again here. I don't know when that day is but the next season in life for me is about loving my kids.
The Large Family Logistics website is closed, the store is closed, this site will stay up but won't be updated, and the yahoo group Reminders will continue to run.
Here are some photos from the NICU saga.
July 16 This is from when Matthew was on IV antibiotics for a skin infection on his foot. The IV was in his head because the veins there are so easy to get to. He had an infection because of his heels being poked so many times to check blood gases. You can see here that his PICC line is not in anymore.
I called him Tiny Little Old Man because he was skin and bones. His skin didn't have connective tissues in it yet so it just hung and sagged on him for a long time.
Here is an earlier picture of him - somewhere around 28-29 weeks Corrected Age, late June or early July. He was sucking on his fingers which was a great developmental sign. He was still on Vapotherm and had the PICC line in. That is how he was fed via TPN. It was an IV line the size of two hairs that was put in his leg and ran up near his heart. That is the white bandage on his left leg. The blanket roll under his shoulders helped with apnic spells. He was still naked in the isolette here so that his color could be watched better during apnic spellls and so that he was easier to get to to stimulate. The green is the Bendy Bumper and the print under and around him is the Cozy. Both helped to contain him and offer resistance. Because he missed out on the last trimester he didn't get any resistance training. The Cozy, Bendy Bumper, and later Swaddling help to offer that. The blue band around his head did two things. It held the temperature probe in place behind his ear and it protects his eyes from light. He was born with one eye fused completely shut and the other partly. His ears didn't have cartlige in so they were rather blobby looking.
The next two were taken August 7. He was 33 weeks and 4 days Corrected Age and 7 weeks and 2 out of the womb. He weighed 4 pounds 4 ounces here. The hospital PR department was in the NICU with a professional photographer and several pictures were taken of me and Baby. At this point he was in an open crib because he was holding his temperature stable. He was on 1 liter of Low-Flow oxygen here. The second tube is his NG (nasal gavage). That's how he was fed until the four days before he went home.
The next two were taken since we came home. Bronwyn, 4, is very excited to hold Baby. He was not so enthused.
The last one was taken on his birthday Sunday September 23. I've been taking his picture with that same puppy the last several weeks to see his growth visually. He is 14 weeks old, 7 pounds, and his Corrected Age is two days. He has infant acne going on. What's up with that? Since he missed out on the last trimester hormones shouldn't he miss out on that too?
The summer was extremely painful being away from my family. It drove home to me how precious they are. I did a lot of thinking about how I spend my time. What things do I really want to be doing? What do I need to prune from my life? What do I want to focus my efforts on? And so on. Writing is part of who I am but this is not the season for it. When I have tried to write in the last few months I found that I don't do it well. There is too much uncontrolled pain and passion flowing and what I write and even say with my mouth is not tempered well. I experienced and saw a lot of ugliness and a lot of beauty this summer. I'm still processing it and can't write coherently yet.
Right now we need to get this baby big and healthy. His lungs are not healthy and his nasal passages are narrow. He sounds "snorty" even though he is "healthy" right now. A cold would doom him to a hospital stay. I really don't ever care to see one of my children fight for life again. No thanks. We are hibernating through this winter and only going out for doctor's appointments. Thank God we home school. If we didn't, I would for this year.
Thank you for your prayers, cards, and gifts of love. They were so appreciated! It was beautiful to see the body of Christ at work. We are still seeing it happen! God is good!
Good bye until God sees it a fit time for me to write again.
Things have moved fast the last few days! Friday his feeding tube was removed and he was put on "ad lib" feeds which means that he gets to eat as much as he wants whenever he wants. When he stirs around he gets fed at breast and bottle (He's too weak or sleepy to take it all by breast plus he missed out on getting "stores" in the last trimester so he needs Fortifier mixed in a bottle with breast milk for some of his feedings). Things are going well and we are planning to go home tomorrow!!! Yes, after 13 weeks and 2 days we are finally leaving. Unless something goes very wrong between now and then.
Once we get home things will still be busy. This is a high needs baby. We will have a Visiting Nurse every week to track his blood pressure which runs high. We will have a visit with a pediatric cardiologist in a few weeks. He will have physical therapy every week. He will have weekly eye exams until his eyes are developed further. He has mild Retinopathy of Prematurity and if it would worsen yet be caught early the prognosis is great. But if it is not caught the prognosis could be very bad.
We are so very blessed to be in this hospital. Everybody has been wonderful and we have gotten great care from every perspective. We have been blessed by a wonderful community at home. God is good!
I have been taking pictures and collecting adresses from the staff here and been crying lots of good bye tears each time the shift changes.
We are planning to have a great big first birthday party next June!!!
When we get home I'll put a picture up.
Thank you all for praying!!!
This is the link to the song Midnight Warrior as mentioned in the previous post's comments.
Thanks for your prayers and being an encouragement to us.
we came to this hospital and the saga began.
Today, my oldest daughter turns 12.
Baby is 36 weeks and 4 corrected age. However, being born at 26 weeks influences certain aspects of development. And every baby is unique. So, it is not as if he were born at 36 weeks. I.e.His eyes are accustomed to light and they develop more rapidly than they would have in utero. But he also has retinopathy of prematurity which could affect his sight. (For those in the know, his ROP is currently Stage 2 and his o2 saturation limits are set at 93-98%)
He is still pretty weak with eating. He latches on and sucks for a bit but gets tired. This last weekend he was extremely sleepy, he is a bit anemic. Today is better and he sucked well at his 10 o'clock but was pooped out for his 1 o'clock.
Baby's weight is 5 pounds 6 ounces.
He is on 1/2 liter of flow at 23% oxygen. The staff tells me frequently that he probably go home on oxygen. Which I won't mind because that means he will also have an apnea monitor and that would be rather comforting rather than constantly watch his color. I had an infant CPR class last week.
His feedings are at 42 ml as of today. A far cry from the one ml of breastmilk he got every 6 hours those first days. It is mixed half and half with a high calorie fortifier. At one point it was one to three but he was rather constipated and because he was gaining well, they went back down to half and half. The reason being that he didn't have that last trimester of extra stores and bone building.
Breastfeeding is going better every day it is just very very slow progress. We started out with "nuzzling" which is sucking on an empty breast. Then we went to breastfeeding twice a day where he actually got some milk if he latched on. Because he's weak he doesn't have the endurance to suck long and it wears him out. Now, he will take some at each feeding and about once a day he will take a lot. After the big session, he's so tuckered out that he won't nurse at all for the next feeding. We weigh him before and after to measure then he gets the rest by gavage. Because his head is heavy and his neck weak I have to hold him with one arm under his back with my hand supporting his neck and head . It is a contortion I haven't had to use before in my breastfeeding career.
Matt and the children came to Des Moines yesterday. I hadn't seen them for two weeks. They had strep throat the previous weekend. It was good to hear their stories and feel their squeezes.
I am so removed from my former life that I am looking at it all with a new eye. I have plenty of time to think and evaluate. Where have I been, where am I going, what am I doing, what will I change, what will I leave the same, what do I do to focus on what is most important and so on. The unclear is becoming more clear. I can see the forrest and the trees more clearly. etc.
Thank you for your prayers.
5 pounds today!!!
I'm holding him with my right hand and typing with my left.
Assume that no news is good news when I don't write. : )
He is adjusting well to life without caffeine. He had an apnic spell Monday and Tuesday. Not like last time that they tried to take it away.
He's breastfeeding better every day but still gets most of his food by gavage.
I'll try to put a new picture up later today.
We got our old laptop repaired and added a wireless adaptor. I can now update at my leisure.
Baby Matthew is slowly making progress. His breathing is much better compared to what it was. His ROP is still mild and will be checked again Tuesday. He is starting to suck. His weight is 4 pounds 11.6 ounces. He will be a fatty by the time we get out of here, which will probably be September if all all goes well. Please pray that he doesn't get an infection, that his PDA closes, that his eyes develop normally, that his lungs grow healthy, and that he can tolerate coming off the caffeine (which they will attempt to take him off of sometime).
At home we have a wonderful nanny helping out. The children just love her. We have strep throat at our house. : ( That wrecked our weekend plans. Please pray that they get healthy and stay healthy. And if you are bringing them a meal, please bring fruit for a dessert. We are sooooo appreciative of everybody's help, absolutely humbled by the comapassion shown to us. We can only turn around and do the same for others in the future. There is no way we can repay all the kindnesses.
I am, of course, growing weary of this. Somewhere along the line I stopped having the thought "When am I going to wake up from this nightmare?" I read through all the preemie literature the staff could give me numerous times. By the time I get out of here I think I could be an NICU nurse. Everywhere I go in this hospital people ask me how my baby is. I am in a wonderful place. Thank you God! For some reason, probably many, He put us in Des Moines. Now that I have this laptop, I'm going to attempt to chronicle it and some version will be in the Large Family Logistics book. "Man plans his way but God orders the steps." Speaking of that long coming book, I'm going to try to get it completed in these last weeks here. I can hold him as much as he tolerates it and until I get numb. Then I sit here and read. The nurses bring me books. I've read all sorts of things. The first weeks I only wanted to read about prematurity. My world was at a complete stop. After about 4 weeks I could read the newspaper and have it actually sink into my brain. Then I read some books purely for escapism. Now I'm reading classics. There is a reason why they're called classics. I'm still reading Job one chapter at a time. I'm at my favorite part where God questions Job "Were you there?" I love that part.
Gotta go, time to pump.
Baby Matthew was 7 weeks old yesterday and 33 weeks corrected age. Today he weighs 4 pounds 4 ounces. His birth weight has doubled!
He is still tukeupnic (sp?) but there are no underlying reasons (infection, PDA) for it. It is a manifstation of Chronic Lung Disease/Bronchialpulmonary Dysplasia because he is premature. The forced air flow/oxygen damages the lungs.
He is right in the middle of the developmental time that the eyes are more fully developing and ROP (Retinopathy of Prematurity) occurs. His last eye exam showed that it was mild.
Please keep praying!
Baby Matthew is now off of the IV antibiotics and his heel looks much better! He is on oral antibiotics for a few days though yet. He is off of the Vapotherm which is pressurized moiste oxygen. He is on 1/2 low flow oxygen. He has not adjusted to this yet and had two apnic spells overnight and one this morning. His oxygen saturation levels go high and then low like a yo yo. If he keeps this up he will go back on the Vapotherm. Pray for wisdom for the doctors as they treat all these little babies.
Baby Matthew continues to do well! Praise God! He is 30 weeks and one day now. How strange to think that he shouldn't be born for another ten weeks. This is all so strange. Sunday he will be 4 weeks old. Strange strange strange. He has fewer apnic spells now. His feedings are increase to 22 ml. His Vapotherm is down to 2 liters now. He weighs 2 pounds 12 ounces today.
Another strange thing is that these babies are nothing like full term babies. It is a whole new world in that respect too. Developmentally there are a lot things that he should be doing in the womb that are or trying to happen outside. To look at him in his little nest in the incubator and know that it is nothing like a womb, a placenta and umbiliical cord.
This week is 4-H fair week for my big kids and it is not fun to be do torn in two different directions. It is incrediblly hard to think of leaving the weakest and most fragile person in the equation. He need me to hold him, he needs my voice. I have been home twice and it is so hard to leave there. When I see Des Moines and the hospital I have this sense of, "I'm home!" Strange. It is because Baby Matthew is here. He needs to be here. I need and want to be here but I want to be with my family too. It will soon be over, I know. It is very very hard though.
Keep praying for these babies!
Thank you a million times over for your prayers and for all the help everyone has been.
This is an incredible experience that is profoundly changing me. In too many ways to list right now.
Baby Matthew is now a "feeder grower" baby. He has had none of the major complications that frequently happen to premature babies. This is because of the many prayers and the grace of God towards him. Thank you-thank you-thank you...
He is starting to suck on his hand and tiny pacifier. Everything here is soooooo little. The danger now is if he would get an infection. Pray that he stays healthy.
We just need to click off days as he matures. He still has apnic spells and simply needs to mature out of them. I don't think there is anything in the world like watching your child try to die every day. To see them stop breathing and start to turn blue. Aaaach There was a time when it would make me physically ill but now I am to the point that when I see him start to "spell" I am responding to him before the nurses get in there and stimulating him to breathe. We are so blessed to be where we are. God is good in landing us in this hospital in Des Moines. Thank you God! The staff is wonderful and up to date on "developmental care". I have been submersed in another world, a new subject to learn in a 24/7 crash course. 5 1/2 weeks of living in a hospital has opened my eyes to people groups that I knew only in news sound bites; people watching and speaking to others I would have normally passed by has been another eye opening experience. I am seeing the grace of God in ways I never did before.
I love to tell the miracles of Baby Matthew's story. Anytime I'm asked why I'm here - I start talking and just love the reactions. This week I ran into one of the nurses I had the day of his delivery and she got goose bumps again as we talked about it all. God is good.
We make our plans but He orders the steps.
Here is a list that you can pray for in addition to Baby Matthew Isaac's continued health and development:
Baby Selina and her mother. She was delivered at 24 weeks so that her mother could have cancer treatment.
Erin's twins born at 24 weeks. One of whom has every bad premature thing happen to him starting with being born in the toilet. He will grow up to be one tough kid. : )
Baby Danielle who is next door to us. Just pray for her health and her family please.
Baby Brayan whose parents befriended us right at the start and filled us with hope as they showed us their growing baby who had once had a rough start. He went home this week with oxygen and an apnic monitor to very happy first time parents. : ) Infection is what really sets these babies back and lands them back in the hospital fighting for their life again in the first year.
Pray for the wisdom and caring careful touch of the doctors, nurses, Respitory Therapists, and Occupational Therapists here.
Pray for the families and parents of these babies. There are so many babies here that have nobody here. I learned that 1/4 of them come from very low income families that might not live close and have transportation, that can't afford to lose their job, that might not have transportation, that have no child care. There are meth babies here - their mother's brains are chemically changed because of the meth and the attachment hormones that should work, don't. They can only think about the next fix. There are a lot of single moms here. There are working moms who want to be here, that want to stay home with their babies but they make more $ or their job is the source of medical insurance for their families. When family groups visit I see generational problems that will probably continue to perpetuate. There is a lot wrong with the world. I can't fix all the problems, only God can. Pray that His wisdom would come through my mouth when I do get the opportunity to speak people here. I do a lot of listening and my brain doesn't know what to say in response. "It will be all right" doesn't cut it. It's not all right, it won't be all right, there will be ramifications.
On a bit of a brighter note, yesterday I met a 13 year old girl who quilts for NICU babies. The quilts are placed on top of the incubators to block light and muffle noise. When the baby graduates from the incubators the quilt is used for warmth and the baby gets to take the quilt home. Check out this website about comfort quilts. It is wonderful service project! projectlinus.org
Please pray! God is the only answer!
Baby Matthew is getting a new IV site put in for another blood transfusion so I left the room. We have great nurses today. We haven't had any bad ones it is just that some we connect well with and some are definitely more profecient and seem to care more. I knew that he would be just fine without me and they didn't need me in there getting light headed and running for the trash basket to lose my breakfast in.
Thank you for all your prayers, encouraging words and tips on increasing milk. There is a lot of good info there! Here is another little problem I have. I have trouble waking up at night to pump. There is not a crying baby to get me out of bed. I learned to drink a lot more in the evening and right before bed because the need to use the bathroom will get me out of bed in the night and then I will pump. : ) Any more tips there?
Last night I decided that this would be a good time to read the book of Job. It has 42 chapters I think and it would probably be a good way to mark time to read one chpater every night. In 42 days Baby Matthew should be a lot bigger and healthier. Chapter one is when Satan and God are talking and God says "Have you considered Job" and then Job has a bunch of calamaties that make this trial of ours look pretty small. The chapter ends with a prayer/praise from Job. I don't have a Bible hear so this is from memory and feel free to correct.
"I was naked when I was born and will be naked when I die, the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh, blessed be the name of the Lord." (If someone one want to post the whole correct section please do so.)
When we were driving down the interstate through Des Moines and I started gushing blood. My thought was (I didn't know what was going on, about placental abruption, or even consider that I might die) that the baby was probably dead. Something was wrong and the baby would die. The words that came into my head and really gave me peace were those words in Job. I've never been good at references so I didn't know where they were found but over and over in my head I was repeating "The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh, blessed be the name of the Lord." I hung on to them until I was having an ultrasound and the baby was just fine. In those minutes of driving, finding a hospital, being wheeled up to Maternity Triage I was frightened, I was sad, but I also had God's peace. The peace that comes when you know without a doubt that He has a plan, that He is in control, and that He will carry you through times of trouble, that He will lead you through the valley of death, that His yoke is easy and His burden light. I am so thankful for His grace and mercy for without them life would be truly very miserable and frightening.